We all chat about our co-workers, don’t we? After all, we all work together, we all share an environment together. An office, a factory, or the kitchen in the restaurant, our workplaces aren’t just a place we go to do our jobs, our workplaces also become small communities. We develop friendships with the people we work with, and when you talk, you tend to stick to subjects you have in common with your friend. At work, the easiest subject to talk about is our fellow coworkers, because we all work with the same people.
Talking about our co-workers is often harmless, to be completely honest. There’s no harm in saying you like the assistant manager’s new haircut, for example. However, we often cross the line between harmless chatting and gossiping without even realizing it.
As a simple rule, just remember this:
Don’t say anything about a coworker that you would not be willing to say to that coworker.
And no, this is not free license to say that your boss has a big butt as long as you tell your boss that he or she has a big butt! Remember that part of being civil is the old saying “politeness wins the confidence of princes”. There’s no need to tease your colleagues either to their face or behind their backs. Working in a shared environment, we must be considerate to one another’s feelings, or bear the burden of an unpleasant working environment.
We all chat, and, as long as we fulfill our duties at the job, chatting can only help to instill a sense of teamwork and unity with our fellow coworkers. Gossiping is exactly the opposite. People often gossip so that they can share secrets or make fun of somebody and feel a sense of inclusiveness with one another, but it’s always at the expense of excluding somebody else, and in the end, at the expense of the team and at the expense of the company. To be blunt, it’s simply unfair to treat fellow employees like this.
Every one of your coworkers at least deserves some degree of respect as your coworker.
To put it simply, let’s weigh the pros and cons of gossiping:
Pros
Gossiping can help people who gossip find common ground in teasing or spreading rumors about a fellow coworker.
When you start a rumor, you get to be the center of attention for just a little while.
Cons
The victim of gossiping will feel hurt, and may even wind up quitting so as to avoid a hostile work environment.
Management tends to look down on gossiping, and you may be putting your own job at risk.
Gossiping can distract employees from doing their jobs properly.
Most rumors simply aren’t true, and most lies are hard to maintain. If you’re caught in a lie, your credibility will be hurt and people will find it hard to trust you.
Simply put, the momentary amusement, the sense of sharing a secret, which we derive from gossiping and spreading rumors isn’t nearly worth the risk in the long run, especially not when that same inclusiveness can be attained by friendly chatting.
Some Degree of Work Related Conflict is Unavoidable
No matter how hard we try to eliminate gossiping, rumors, and general workplace hostility, almost every place of business has one or two gossipers. Sooner or later, somebody is probably going to try to draw you into their gossiping circle. If you feel somebody is trying to enlist you as a fellow rumor monger, just ignore it. Change the subject and just don’t spread the rumor any farther. Don’t join in. In a perfect world, this alone would be enough to keep rumors from spreading. Of course, in a perfect world, there would be no rumors to spread in the first place. Having to deal with the world as it is, however, we as human beings are flawed, and many of us gossip to gain attention because we lack the confidence to try to excel at anything else.Sometimes a rumor will spread whether or not you contribute to the gossiping, and oftentimes, there isn’t much we feel we can do about it. Most of the time, you can do your part simply by refusing to take part, but when a rumor persists, employees have a responsibility to try and put that rumor to rest.
What to do when Gossiping gets out of Hand
When ignoring it doesn’t work, different courses of action you can take when gossiping gets out of hand may include:
Talking to the gossipers. Sometimes, just telling a person that what they’re doing is disruptive to the work environment and may hurt someone’s feelings can be enough. A lot of the time, this will stop a rumor dead in its tracks.
Bringing the matter to a superior’s attention. This is for when the first course of action doesn’t work. Most people who gossip aren’t bad people or bullies, they simply don’t know how harmful gossiping can be. Going to your manager or supervisor might show them how serious gossiping really is.
If you find yourself becoming the victim of gossip and rumors, the most important thing is to not let it get to you. This is easier said than done, as it can be very difficult to not become upset over people saying unflattering things about us behind our backs. Just remember that...
Whatever people are saying about you probably is not true, and most of your co-workers will know better than to believe the rumors. There are exceptions, but it’s usually better to ignore the rumors than it is to respond to them.
If you try to take revenge and spread rumors to “get back at them”, you may make matters worse as you and your office-enemy escalate the conflict. This can only end in one or both of you losing your jobs.If rumors about you are getting out of hand, you can follow the steps listed above. First, ask your gossiper to stop, let them know that what they’re doing is not harmless, it’s distractive and unprofessional. If that doesn’t work, ask a supervisor to help put a stop to the gossip. Don’t worry about being seen as a tattle-tale. When gossiping disrupts the work environment, there’s nothing wrong with doing whatever you can to put an end to it.
Do not Lose your Temper
It’s important not to get upset or confrontational about gossip. Gossiping can certainly be upsetting, gossip can make us want to yank our neckties off and challenge our gossiper to a fist fight in the parking lot to settle things once and for all.
Find a Diplomatic Solution
In ancient Europe, there was something called Trials by Combat. If a soldier objected to a rumor spread by a fellow soldier, they could challenge their accuser to a duel to the death, wherein the winner would be declare right and the loser declared wrong. In the Twenty First Century, we have to come up with more civilized ways of settling our differences.When you feel yourself becoming angry about the rumor mill, you may want to take a moment to breathe and relax before taking action. By approaching your gossiper while still upset, you may escalate the conflict into something much worse than simple rumor mongering.However, if you approach your gossiper calmly, you can be rational, you can speak clearly, and you can, more often than not, make your position known to your co-worker.
Facilitating a Welcoming Workplace
Remember that the goal is always to facilitate a working environment that makes it easy for people to work side by side while avoiding strife and friction. Some degree of conflict will always exist wherever people meet. It’s unfortunate, but it is simply a fact of life, and it comes with the territory of having a diverse group of people working together. We may never eliminate friction altogether, but we can manage that conflict in a responsible, mature way. If you have an issue with a coworker, discuss the issue with that coworker directly, or discuss it with a supervisor. The last thing you want to do when you can’t seem to get along with a coworker is complain about that colleague to fellow employees.However, our job as is to minimize this conflict as much as possible. We need to refuse to take part in gossip and rumors, and when we are forced to deal with gossip and rumors directly, we need to handle the situation in a way that only means to end the gossip and rumors. Remember that our job is not to take revenge on gossipers or teach them a lesson, we only want them to stop gossiping, and we want to resist any temptation to contribute to the gossip.The simplest way to prevent and stop gossip in the workplace is, of course, to simply not gossip. If just one employee takes this to heart, gossip in the workplace can be reduced considerably.
About the author:
Dakotta J.K. Alex, social networking director and author of “Damn, I Need a Job. Again!” and “The Recruiters Guide Book,” is a Global HR Solutions Consultant specializing in human capital recruitment, process management and career analysis in the US, Europe and China. With over 10 years of consultancy experience he has found his niche in the social networking arena and now runs the 3rd largest recruiting network forum http://www.RecruiterGroups.com in addition to a candidate / recruiter forum known as http://www.AskTheRecruiter.com. Information regarding Dakotta’s other ventures, books, and articles can be found at http://www.dakotta.com.
